Outside criticism is often rooted in racism, sexism, body expectations, or the policing of women’s ambition. And then other times it’s driven by those who wish they were like you. We live in a world with many miserable people, people who haven’t learned to love themselves, let alone others.

We’ve all experienced crude remarks from strangers. Many of us have also experienced having someone close to us who always thinks we need to do better or that they have a superior way to achieve something. This is the “I’m not good enough” feeling.

Secondly, the prevalence of social media in our lives has exposed us to far more hateration… people can hide behind screens and say things they’d never say in person. And because we only post what we’re most proud of, what they say can hurt even more.

Haters’ words and actions mustn’t carry weight in your life. Much easier said than done, of course.

It’s the most poisonous thing in our lives, decisions, and growth: our inner critic. It can become paralyzing and sometimes the only thing we can hear. But please know, Supernova, this is not your fault.

Your inner critic could point toward an insecurity, something you care about but don’t feel as though you’re “good enough” for, or your appearance. It can be based on conditioning, shame, fear, failures. It can even be that someone else’s “standard” was played on repeat so long that it became part of your own self-talk.

It is a negative self-evaluator, creating a false narrative that doesn’t need to exist or have any relevance. You do not have to build your life around it. (Easier said than done; we know).

What someone says could mean nothing about you, reveal something worth considering, or begin affecting everything if you allow it to become part of your identity. And the same is true about the things we say regarding ourselves. An observation can feel like an attack, constructive criticism can feel like rejection, and a hateful comment can begin to sound true after we hear it, or repeat it… enough.

Essentially, our inner and outer critics can, and often do, feed each other. An insecurity can make constructive criticism feel like a personal attack. But hateful words can also be repeated so often that they become our own thoughts. The more we internalize them, the more threatened we feel by future feedback—even when it could help us.

The loop: someone (self or another) speaks → a negative part of ourselves or an insecurity interprets it → self-criticism grows → the next comment becomes a tipping point.

Breaking it requires separating what was actually said from what you heard it say about you. And this is where wisdom and discernment come in (you have both)! Constructive criticism addresses something specific and gives you something useful to consider. Hate attacks your worth, identity, appearance, or right to take up space. But insecurity can blur that line. It can make helpful feedback feel like an attack—or make someone’s hateful words feel true.